There have probably been thousands of articles and parodies written about Donald Trump since he secured the Republican nomination and rode a wave of white nationalism and racism into the Oval Office, but nothing can ever come close to matching the dick-swinging insanity that tumbles out of his radioactive potato face whenever he attempts to use the English language. Which is why the AP made the absolutely genius decision to simply release a full transcript of Julie Pace’s interview with the president that is easily the must-read piece of Trump’s entire political career. It is a mind-melting journey into Trump’s psyche, and the equivalent of listening to your 80-year-old grandmother with Alzheimer’s attempt to describe an alternative universe.
Whenever he isn’t literally admitting that he has no fucking clue how anything works, he’s frantically changing the subject to his “chemistry” with foreign leaders that clearly hate him or repeatedly mentioning how the Electoral College favors Democrats – ask Al Gore or Hillary Clinton about that – so isn’t it just incredible that he won? Which is apparently Trump’s new thing after enough people somehow convinced him to stop saying the largest electoral fraud in American history (that never happened) cost him the popular vote.
Anyway, I’m already making the mistake of trying to go toe-to-toe with the musings of President Pumpkin AnusMouth III, so here are the highlights. But do yourself a favor and definitely read the whole transcript because excerpts won’t do it justice.
The First 100 Days
TRUMP: Yeah, sure. Next week. Because the hundred days is just an artificial barrier….
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